Today I was reminded of one of the most important beliefs I try to live my life by & it was very much needed.
Life is not about what you get, its about what you give
... so give it all
... so give it all
I believe this 100%, but I don't mean it as literal as it sounds. You have to understand its whimsical notion, the romantic of it. You can't use this to justify staying in a relationship that is one sided or abusive. You can't use it to justify running yourself into the ground for everyone else. There is a balance. You need to make sure your own cup is full first & then once you are so full that you are overflowing, then you have more than you could possibly need to be able to give of yourself truly. You must give to yourself first. Then you can give to others, give them everything you've got, your love, your advice, your time - let your light shine into the dark corners of those who need it.
There is this crazy notion that damaged and broken people are unable to truly & innocently love another. I call BS. If you are damaged, if you are broken, GOOD, you have also survived that which broke you. So now you have beautiful battle scar reminders of your strength. You can either let the experience break you & make you stronger or you can stay down there in the dark broken mess of it all. But don't think for a second you don't have a choice. I think every life experience changes us somewhat, but we are all who we are at the very core of us, nothing can shake your foundations, you can however, grow into a better version of yourself, take your lessons and become better, do better, love better, laugh more & give more. Yes, damaged people roll into a new relationship with their truck load of baggage, equipped with self doubt, self sabotage and more issues than vogue... but that doesn't mean they aren't also strong & brave & able to love fiercely and whole heartedly.
I've been to the very bottom & sat in the beautiful mess, amongst the broken pieces of my heart and soul wondering where the fuck to start with the glue. It takes time to embrace all your flaws & love yourself for all that you are, so enjoy that time, learn to accept your imperfections. Putting yourself back together allows you the incredible opportunity to put yourself back together exactly how want to. To change the parts that you don't like, i put emphasise on you, because you should never change for anyone but yourself. Have you been somebody you don't like? A lesser version of who you want to be? Thats ok. Change, grow.
A soul mate is not the whole picture, they are just the final piece. So when it comes time for me to choose my forever, I will be exactly who I want to be and i'll choose the person who looks at me with all my flaws and cracks and imperfections and see's a masterpiece. And every day i will love that person with my whole heart, i will make sure that i choose them every day, that there is never a moment they don't know just how loved they are, how special they are & how lucky I feel to have found someone who's puzzle piece was the final piece to mine.
They say we cant choose who we love, that you dont find love, love finds you and I agree with this to some degree, but i do believe once we find our other half that you have a responsibility to yourself and to them to be the people that you fell in love with, to give to yourself first and then give to them. Give them your heart, let them into the darkest corners of yourself, give them your love, give them laughter that makes your belly ache, give them sleepy Sunday mornings, give them child like joy, give them excitement, loyalty, honesty & a safe place to always call home.
Give it all.