Yesterday my mum told me the kind of love I believed in wasn't real.
She thinks that the way you love anything in your life is the same way you will love the person who makes your world turn, the person who brings you coffee in the morning, who kisses you on the forehead & laughs at your not even remotely funny jokes, the person who's arms will wrap around you & make you feel safe and give you a place to always call home... the exact same...
There is no way in this lifetime that you will ever convince me that the love I believe in isn't real. I know it is, because I have been lucky enough to have had a glimpse of it. The kind of love that rips the rug out from under you, but in a good way, the kind of love that makes colours brighter, your heart race & your tummy do backflips. Please don't ever believe that it's not real. Don't settle for something because you are scared to be alone, because you think that is the best it will ever be. It's not.
My mum believes that I am chasing a fantasy, that because I am damaged I want to believe in a fairy tale. But it is not because I am damaged, its because I have been loved, in a big way, its because I have LOVED in a big way. I have so much love to give those around me, the incredible people in my life that make each day a good day and one day I will share all of that love to my forever person.
Yes, I would fit into the 'damaged goods' category - A broken home, a most of the time absent father, an unstable childhood, a mother who did her best, but who's best fell short, cheated on & lied to, and an abusive relationship... it goes on. So yes, my heart has cracks from where it has been shattered into a million tiny pieces, but each of those cracks has been mended with tenderness & care. I have taken the time to look at what has happened in my life, the parts I had no control over & couldn't change and put my heart back together. My past does define me, it has made me who I am today - but not without me choosing how it changed me. I do not carry the weight of it in my heart, I am not burdened by it. I choose to still look at the world with a childlike innocence and believe in love & joy & happiness, to embrace my past & be thankful I have learnt so much in such a short time and am able to now appreciate the small things.
So Mumma, here is my message to you - I am one in a million and one day I am going to get my fairy tale but it wont be an ending; it will be a beginning. A beginning of everything you didn't believe could come true. Romantic, real, forever love. It will take hard work, dedication & commitment to get to the end, but on my wedding day, you can stand up and give your toast & tell everyone that I waited for this man & that I never wavered from my belief that he existed.