the girl behind the mask

What a shame it is that the girl who once believed in fairytales & magic has found her way to reality, with demons in her mind and the fear of never being loved, the fear of being alone.

Im not the silly romantic you think i am. I just want to feel safe with someone. To not always be waiting for him to walk away, to not always be wishing he would love me back. I need to be able to trust that he is there for me for the right reasons, because he cares enough to be there. I wont break your heart like those other girls will. That's exactly why you're so terrified. I could make you happy. And you know that being happy is the most terrifying thing in the universe. Once you're happy it can be taken from you. But still, you sleep with one eye open, your running shoes beside your soul every night ready to run, waiting for some sudden storm that might swallow you up.  I hate how you made me question myself when the problem was you all along. And then I think maybe I was destined to be alone. It''s at night that the thoughts come crashing in, the crushing weight bearing down on my already tender heart and my mind goes to war with my heart. The battle of what I know to be truth and fact at war with what my heart felt & would not relent on and the impossible choice of what to do. 

The sun will rise and set with or without you. So when the darkness lifts & you cannot hide amongst the shadows, you will put your mask back on to face the world and give it the love you know it needs, all the while counting down the minutes until you can retreat into the safety of the night. You will never find your worth in a man. You find your worth within yourself and then find a man who's worthy of you. So trust in your heart, always listen to your heart for it knows you best. Wait for the person who will bring light to the darkness, who will kiss your wounds and fill the scars in your heart with a love you once believed existed.

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